To say no so that a person is not offended, one must be able to. For some people, this is a whole problem, they begin to "walk in circles", thus getting into an awkward position. But this skill can be developed and it is not difficult. The main thing is to know a few simple rules, adhering to which, you will no longer doubt how politely to refuse someone.
How to learn to refuse people
1. Use the word "No."
Use "Not", "Not this time", but not "I do not think so", "I'm not sure", "Maybe next time". The word" No "has incredible power. Use it if you are absolutely and precisely sure that there can be no other answer. And you do not need to apologize for your answer. Practice saying the word" No "until you feel comfortable, pronouncing it.
2. Use decisive but polite options.
I appreciate your time, but no thanks.
Thank you for thinking about me, but my plate is already full.
Not today, thanks.
Not for me, thanks.
I'm afraid that I can’t.
I'm not very interested in yoga / hard rock / computer games, but thanks for asking.
Perhaps I will refuse.
This applies to family, friends, and even your boss. You don't have to come up with some elaborate tricks all the time - just say you don't want to. If you don’t want to go to the event, because you had a hard week, and you are more likely to stay home and watch TV, say so. Do not invent a dying grandmother to make your excuse more acceptable.
4. Do not continue to explain.
In some cases, it is better not to go into details. If you start to make excuses too much, it will seem like you are lying, or it will allow someone who asks you to find workarounds and make you agree.
5. Do not be afraid to say it twice.
Some people do not respect the boundaries of other people or are used to having a person give up if asked again. Do not give in just because someone is too persistent. Smile politely, and again say “No”, even more firmly than the first time.
6. If necessary, say "because."
Studies have shown that the word “because” makes people agree with you, even if the reason is completely absurd. Instead of saying, “Unfortunately, I cannot arrange a meeting,” try to give a reason to mitigate the denial.
7. Smile and shake your head.
You can resort to this before leaving. This works when people in the streets are handing out flyers or trying to get you to sign something.
8. Be adamant.
Imagine that you are the person who controls the situation. Make eye contact and speak clearly. Do not mumble your refusal to yourself. This is especially important when you feel they want to take advantage of you.
9. Do not take free samples.
We tend to reciprocate when they give us something. If you tried cheese at a tasting in a supermarket, and the girl convinces you to buy it, you would rather agree if you did not start trying it.
10. If they tell you to jump out of the window, will you do it?
It's easy to fall into the trap of the phrase “Yes,” because others also say “Yes.” Do not do this.
How to refuse a person
11. Remind yourself what it will cost you.
What will you lose by agreeing? Time, money, health? Nothing is given just like that.
Your intuition rarely fails you. If you feel that something is wrong, listen to your instincts and say "No."
13. Suggest an alternative.
This is especially useful at work when you do not want to be considered a person who fails all the time.
If you’re too busy to undertake any task that you would like to accomplish in the future, you can say: "I will not be able to help you with this project right now, but I would be glad to see it next month, when I will be more free.".
14. Reassign to someone.
If you want to deny someone something, but know a person who would agree, share this information. "I’m afraid I won’t be able to help you organize the holiday, but I know that Anna is engaged in baking cakes, maybe ask her?"
However, you should not use this as an excuse to substitute people that you do not like, otherwise you will be considered a bastard.
If you are ready to meet, you can try to negotiate. This will allow you to accept the request without directly refusing. We can ask you to reduce the number of assignments, ask for a longer deadline to complete the work, or to share the work with someone else.
How to refuse a request
16. Do not delay.
It makes no sense to make a person wait for an answer if you know that the answer will be negative. Delaying with an answer only exacerbates the situation. Do not say “I will think about it” if you are not going to do it.
17. You can change your answer.
If you once agreed, this does not mean that you should always do this.
18. Repeat this often.
The devil is not so terrible as he is painted. The more you practice, the less frightening it becomes. Start refusing anything that does not add any value to your life.
When you say, “Sorry, I can’t,” though it softens your message and makes it polite, it sounds pretty blurry. Better sayWhat a pity, I would like to help, but I already made an appointment with .... I wish you good luck".
20. The desire to please.
We often agree with something that does not have a primary role, because we do not want people to think badly about us. However, some people will think badly of us anyway, no matter how polite you are. So stop worrying about what other people will think, and say, finally, “No.”
21. Ahead of the request.
When you learn to refuse, you will begin to say "No" in advance before the request arises. If you think that your friend is going to invite you to the wedding, let him know that you are aground.
22. Avoid those who constantly ask for something.
If you know a person who constantly asks for money, never returning them, avoid him, especially when you know that he has just such a period.
23. A harmless lie.
Of course, in most cases you need to tell the truth, but sometimes you have to be inventive with the answer. For example, if you know that your grandmother will try to persuade you to eat her pies, tell her that the doctor forbade you to eat flour if you do not want to offend her. If your grandmother is very persistent, return to tip number 2.
You should use this answer only if you know for sure that you will consider this request later. For example, you can say that consider this issue when you return in a week. If the request is not urgent, do not drop everything, but say that you will get to work as soon as you complete your project.
How to refuse tactfully
41. Last time it was wonderful.
Sometimes you need to refuse, even if you used to say yes. This is best done by confirming that, although you liked it last time, this time you won’t be able to go for it.
42. Set your priorities.
If you are given a job for which you do not have time, and the refusal is not accepted, ask what you will have to refuse. "It sounds interesting, I would love to do it, but that means that I can’t write a report by Friday. So what do you want me to do first?"
43. How sweet of you.
If your mother-in-law wants to make you a noisy birthday party, and you prefer to just sit with close friends, be grateful, but refuse. "How nice of you, but I already planned to go with my friends to sit in a cafe".
44. Become less available.
Do not give your phone to everyone except friends and family. Ask people to send you a message, not to call. Reduce the number of friends on social networks.
Perhaps and impossible - these are magic words. However, use this phrase with confidence and you won’t have to say anything else.
46. What an honor to me.
For example, if you were asked to give a speech at a wedding or become a godmother, and you do not want to appear rude, use this phrase.
"It is an honor for me, but since I don’t like speaking in public, I will not be able to cope with this role as it should, and I’m afraid that I will let you down. Maybe you ask someone else?".
Why are we afraid to say no?
Our life is communication, we constantly communicate with each other and help. But there are situations when it is inconvenient to fulfill a person’s request. It is then that doubts begin, you are tormented by a sense of guilt that put your interests above others. But, if you think carefully, you could fulfill the request, within reason of course.
This in no way compromises you, does not offend the one who asks. You just need to be able to present a refusal. To do this, just try a few times, and then a habit develops. You should start with a small supply of template phrases that can be used in common situations.
The habit of saying yes: why it’s bad to be trouble-free at work
One of the most common difficulties is the need to refuse people. And although at work situations often arise in which, due to your professional duties, you simply cannot say no, other circumstances will arise day by day, giving you a certain freedom of choice. How to use your right to say no and correctly formulate a refusal?
Reason as follows: without saying “no” at the right time, you will put the needs of the other person above your own. Do you really want this? At work, there are many situations where your needs are no less important, and in some circumstances even more important than the needs of colleagues. Remember how often your colleagues refused you. And you calmly and without irritation accepted this answer. So why worry about being upset if you behave the same way?
The real problem is that a constant “yes” easily becomes a habit, and it’s really difficult to change a fixed pattern of behavior. Remember your colleagues. Can you guess what to expect from each of them? Probably yes. Similarly, your colleagues, accustomed to your reliability, will most likely come to you with so many requests that you simply cannot fulfill them. Thus, the habit of constantly agreeing to requests for work will lead to congestion, because you take on more than you can do or what you really have to do. This leads to stress, frustration, hostility, conflict and mistakes, and over time the situation only worsens.
So, the ability to refuse, when you consider it necessary, is an important skill that must be mastered. You will probably have situations when you want to help someone, even if this is not convenient for you. Remember: assertiveness means respect for your needs and rights to the same extent as for the rights of others, as well as consent, when necessary, to compromise.
Many people do not like to say no, believing that there is only one way to do this - direct refusal. Such a “no” may seem rude and aggressive. And this is usually not the impression you want to make at work. You seek to establish good relationships with colleagues, but you will inevitably have to refuse someone for your own sake - your health and well-being. So you should be able to say no, but in such a way as to demonstrate respect for the needs of another person. There are different ways to fail, which depend on the situation. Here are three main options.
Direct rejection - The most uncompromising way, and it is rarely suitable for use at work. They often resort to it when someone’s rights are violated. In such cases, you can loudly and firmly add: “You don’t hear, I said no.”
Please provide additional information or a promise “some other time” - an opportunity for discussion, while the refusal remains among the possible options.
Thoughtful no - The most delicate way, because you show that you have heard the interlocutor.
Further, I will explain in detail what each of these options is, however, the choice will depend on the situation, your attitude to it and the person who makes the request, because it can be your mentor, immediate supervisor, colleague or team member to whom you really want to help.
Do not try to radically and instantly change your behavior. This is especially true for failures, as you can shock colleagues who do not expect the leopard to suddenly change color. It is much better to start small, train hard and change gradually.
How to politely refuse a person?
The main rule of successful people is not to say the words yes and no. They must be replaced with phrases that they will definitely let you know about the refusal and immediately explain the reason:
- “I do not want to do this,”
- "I have no time",
- "I dont have an opportunity".
However, if you are asked by a friend, boss, relative - use other options, justified “no” or diplomatic.
It is assumed here an indication of the reasons and suggesting a possible alternative:
- “I can’t do it, because I’m working, maybe there will be a minute later,”
- “I will take your child to school if he is already dressed waiting on the street,”
- “You can repair the car, but on Saturday.”
For all occasions there are suitable words, they just have to be intelligible in the case.
How to politely refuse a man?
This is a common problem. It all depends on who you have it. Is it just “sticking” on the street or is it a friend talking about his feelings, maybe - a former boyfriend who decided to return.
Start with annoying strangers, it’s easier with them, you can safely lie:
- "I'm married",
- “Now I have no time, here is my phone” (give him the wrong number),
- "Tell me your number, I'll call you back."
If the gentleman does not understand, act harshly and confidently, but politely:
- "I do not intend to get acquainted and meet, is that understandable?",
- “I am not in the mood to communicate with absolutely anyone now.”
You can speak with the former more frankly, but without flirting, but seriously and intelligibly:
- “We had a lot of good, let’s keep in mind only these moments”,
- “Let's not rush things, maybe I'll change my mind, but for now - no”,
- “You are very good, for me it is too much. I want to find someone less wonderful. "
And a completely different conversation lies with a friend.
How to politely refuse a guy to meet?
I do not want to break the connection with him, but he is dear to you precisely in this quality. And yet do not go in circles, but speak directly looking in the eyes:
- "I love another, but I need you, try to understand,"
- "I'm not tuned into intimacy now,"
- “Maybe later, now I need to understand myself.”
Try to avoid common mistakes:
- Do not waste time, explain as soon as you see the need,
- Do not flirt, as you give hope in vain
- Stick to specifics, explain clearly and readily.
Perhaps you need to leave a friend for a while and not communicate. Your constant flickering in front of his nose will fumble a wound. Try not to catch his eye, let him rest and forget.
Original ways to say no
Sometimes nothing helps, a person does not understand normal words. Have to take the trick:
- Go to the talk about money. Ask the fan about the salary, where and by whom he works. Then show dissatisfaction with a small income or an inexpensive car. Sigh languidly as you walk through the jewelry windows
- Imagine a stupid talker, guys do not like these. Tell him what you discussed yesterday with a friend about cosmetics, dresses and a pretty neighbor. Do not let us insert words,
- Openly ignore its existence. On a date, answer his questions out of place, call girlfriends and mom walking with him in the park,
- Tell us how big your family is: five children, a mother, a bedridden patient, and an elderly grandfather. No one needs such a convoy.
How to politely refuse a client a service?
Such active clients sometimes come across that they simply do not give work. They need to be able to say no without rudeness and aggression.
Use pulling phrasesthey will gain time:
- “Unfortunately, at the moment, the specialist on this issue is busy, how he will be released - he will contact you,”
- “Yes, we understand your problem and will try to solve it as soon as possible. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll call you back ”,
- “Thank you for contacting us, we value your time so we won’t delay it anymore and will contact you as a result,”
- "Unfortunately, you were mistaken, our company does not deal with this, but I can give you the phone number of another company."
Do not say “no” openly, otherwise the person will think that he was simply sent off. Sorry, take a couple of minutes, if possible - suggest an alternative solution. The main thing - Do not lie and let me feel attentive.
If you understand that you are having difficulty communicating, get some phrased phrases that will help you out in difficult times. Of course, they are not suitable for every case, but you will become more confident not knowing how to politely refuse, having at least something in service.