Let's talk about a very interesting situation when a man meets a girl who already has a child. Do I need to build a relationship with such a young lady? What is good and bad in them? Periodically, we deal with such situations with our readers and students in Skype consultations, so we will summarize what we have. Weigh all the pros and cons.
If girls read the article, then you certainly need to know how to recognize a man who will never marry you, even if you don’t have a child.
- A girl with a child is most likely not barren. Unless, of course, any trauma or illness occurred during or after childbirth.
- More often than not, girls who have children or live in marriage have a higher need for sex. Because they already had a lot of sex in their lives. For the vast majority of women, there is a rule - the more sex in life, the more you want more. Plus experience and skills were added.
- Good body. If a girl after childbirth was able to return a good figure, then with a high degree of probability and after the next birth her slender forms will quickly recover.
- Girls with children, as a rule, have no need to give birth to another child in the very near future. For example, up to 25 or 30 years. And we all know how many girls are eager to give birth to their first child at all costs ... This desire, at times, is so great for a young lady that she can easily get rid of a man who does not share her views.
- During the girl’s conversation with the child, you can see her positive (love, care, tenderness ...) and negative aspects (temper, anger, inability to understand the situation) ... If after a while you start living with this girl, then these qualities, most likely will apply to you.
- A girl with a child can feed at least two - herself and her child. In addition, such young ladies, more often than not, are able to distribute the budget well, so that both the child and themselves will have enough. And if the girl does not enjoy the material support of her parents or some other sponsors, this is generally a great option.
- If the girl was already married, then when you decide to legitimize your relationship, the young lady will be ready to carry out all the formalities much more modestly. The wedding will be cheaper and calmer, and perhaps you can even limit yourself to a quiet visit to the registry office and a modest romantic dinner.
- As a rule, a girl with a child is already an adult girl, capable of independently solving many problems.
- Cooking skills. As a rule, a girl with a child has already learned how to cook well and tasty.
- You have an easy opportunity to find out how good a girl with a child is as a mother. Sometimes it’s enough just to look at her child. What is it - well-groomed or not? What skills a child has - how he talks, writes, reads. Is she a good student? Does it go to any sections? Is mom doing his development?
The child has a father. It is very important who he is and where he is? How often do you see your mom and baby? Be sure to find out why the breakup occurred. When you find out, question everything. Try by chance to find out from the friends, acquaintances or relatives of the girl all the details of their relationship, and, most importantly, the reasons for the expense. History has the property of repeating itself. Therefore, you may suffer the fate of the father of the child.
This father is most often somewhere nearby. He may periodically come to the girl’s house and see the child. Naturally, in this case, he will also communicate with his mother.
Hence, there may be two troubles:
- if their relationship is bad, the girl will wind up and get nervous,
- but another thing is even worse - at some point, the biological father may want to restore the family.
If you start living together, you will encounter a number of problems:
- Money. Now you may have to feed not two, but three. Even if a girl earns good money at the beginning of a relationship, remember that you will most likely have another child, and accordingly, the young lady will not work for a long enough time. During this period, you should provide for four people.
- You will need to establish communication and build good relationships with her first child. If you do not get along, it is better to leave the relationship at all. Otherwise, they are doomed to quarrels, squabbles and torments until the eldest child begins to live outside the parental home.
- To start living together, more housing will be needed. Since at the beginning of being you are not two, as usual, but three at once. The child needs his own room.
- Even if the child has his own room, he will still interfere with having good sex. Cool sex involves a lot of noise - squeaks, groans and other fun are heard throughout the house. Naturally, this whole thing can be done while the child is away from home. But only if you yourself are not busy at this time, for example, with work.
- A child can occupy the bulk of the girl’s love, attention, affection and tenderness. Thus, only a small part of the energy and emotions will remain on you.
- A girl may be too often busy with a child. You will not be the main thing in her life at all.
- The girl who was breastfeeding does not have the best look and shape of the nipples.
It seems to be two times more pluses than minuses. But still - it's up to you.
Based on our practice and the practice of our students, we say that in many respects everything depends on you. If you have the necessary life experience and confidence in the correctness of your decision - the probability of success is very high!
In principle, everything is right. A girl with a child is a big hemorrhoids. Actually, not the body itself, but its kinder. Do not be offended by the young lady! But this is so: ((I met with such a half a year ... And then I decided to leave. Tired!
FuFuFu, respected Author. You use a frank substitution of concepts - give minuses as pluses. In order:
1. "Not barren." Can you imagine how pregnancy and childbirth destroy a woman’s body? Feminine problems, hormones, thyroid, etc. The child is very expensive for the health of the mother and, as a consequence, for future common children. And the solution to health problems due to someone else’s child ultimately rest on your shoulders guess who?
2. "The need for sex" may be, but the time and practical opportunity to do it is very limited. The child will not let you live a full sexual life (see. Cons) no matter how many rooms are allocated for him. And it’s okay if you can understand your own, you can understand someone else’s ...
3. The new car is still better than restored after an accident.
4. "There is no task to give birth to children by the established age." Would she ever want to have in common someday? Or “I already have it and I don’t need it anymore. And if this one leaves me, what should I do with the gypsy camp? I would have been better suited to attach these cuckoos ... "
5. I agree.
6. "They know how to distribute the budget well." They are so used to controlling the money situation on their own that your earnings and expenses, like the budget in the Duma, will have to go through the adoption process in three readings. Forget about your money - now they are the common treasury, and a woman knows much better how to distribute it (empty).
7. "The wedding will be cheaper and calmer ... limit yourself to a quiet visit to the registry office and a modest romantic dinner." She understood: she had already walked off in her life and for her it's just a formality. And if MCH - was not married. For him, this event is one for life and has not lost its solemnity and trepidation? It smacks of hypocrisy ...
8. "An adult girl capable of independently solving many problems." And also these problems create and get into trouble. And the older the girl, the more mature the problems ..
9. I agree. Although for exercising people with a set diet, this is not such a plus.
10. I agree without reservation.
As a result, we have a stretch of three pluses and endless restrictions.
And there is no flip side to the coin: A child is the most responsible decision in the life of any person. And everyone should accept it exclusively for himself. And in this situation, the decision is made for you by the woman you like (I’ll suppose that way, since you are reading this) and the stranger man whose small copy will prevent you from costing your life.
1. In general, childbirth is a natural process, and it does not cause any serious harm to health.
3. This is very subjective. Firstly, finding an adequate virgin is becoming more difficult every year, and secondly, if you draw such a parallel, some models, especially domestic ones, require serious dopping 😉
4. It is up to you.
6. Everything can be here, but again, if a man appears in the house, and not a rag, we solve the problem.
7. MCH need a wedding, really? Purpose?
Well, well, that’s your opinion. The situation in life is different, and people change over the years, and, as we all know, no one is safe from mistakes. A child is a responsibility, and you can’t argue, and everyone should make a decision on his own, based on a specific example, and it’s difficult to give a formula here.
“No one is safe from mistakes.” From minor mistakes. A child, for life, cannot be smeared with a proofreader. And yes, it is always a choice - abortion or not. As well as the choice from whom to give birth to him, to whom legs spread ... Guys and ex-husbands Suddenly do not become bad.
Regarding the harmfulness of childbirth: if all other questions are philosophical, then this one can be objectively measured. And there is damage to women's health. Is always.
I apologize if my cynicism offended someone. And he could offend only women who believe in the impunity of their easy behavior in their youth. It is these who appeal with such concepts as “rag”, “immature”, etc.
Everything in life happens! And that now a girl with a child cannot marry a second time ?? selfish people!
Well, why can’t it, maybe it will definitely come out if everything is ok with it 🙂
1. Try to state your intentions right away
You might think that talking about all your expectations and intentions at the initial stages of a relationship is not entirely appropriate, but if you decide to meet with a single mother, it is better to talk about it as soon as possible.
“When a single mother starts dating someone, she probably just wants to have fun or find support in order to go through the difficult stage of her life. It can be fun walks or intimacy, which give hope for the future. "“Said therapist Sari Cooper to Men’s Health.
She also emphasizes that some girls can start dating a man because of longing for a serious relationship, so both you and she need to understand who you see each other and what you want. Be honest with the girl and yourself and regularly talk with her about your feelings and feelings as the relationship develops.
2. Do not try to appear as a knight on a white horse
Ever heard of White Knight Syndrome? Hardly? The psychotherapist Paul Hokemeyer describes him as "a compulsive need to be the guardian of his partner, who, in your opinion, needs protection and patronage."
The fact is that this syndrome (or its outlines) can be counterproductive in relations between two people and subsequently bring only frustration, emotional and physical exhaustion, and also cause financial losses.
“Although it will feed your ego, in the long run you will become angry, resentful, and emaciated.”- emphasized Hokemeyer.
However, it is worth noting that there is nothing wrong with wanting to help and support the person you love. This is a positive intention. Just do not bring it to the extent that you begin to suffer.
3. Know your place
Remember that she suffered, suffered moral and physical pain, and also daily faces new challenges to do everything possible for the well-being of her child.
Therefore, one should not expect that suddenly you will become the number one priority for her. Do not complain that she does not give you enough time, or is often tired after work. Better support her if you see that it’s hard for her and don’t put your needs first.
4. Do not delay the meeting with her child
You should not wait for certain conditions, a suitable time or “that very moment” to meet your girlfriend’s child. If you delay this meeting, he may have certain expectations that you might not be able to justify.
Therefore, the best tactic will be to meet her child so that he does not have time to compose a picture of another person about you.
By the way, to find the right approach to him, look at how his mother treats him, analyze her manners and methods of education. In addition, in the initial stages of meeting children, they don’t need to know that for their mother you are more than just a friend.
5. Remember that you have a big impact on her baby
If everything is serious with you, and you are already a frequent guest in your girlfriend’s house, you need to understand that you are becoming a role model for her child. Therefore, you need to monitor your actions and words so that they do not have a negative impact on him.
In addition, your relationship with her, which the child will look at and design their own concepts of how adults behave, will also act as a role model.
The son is dating a girl. First love: how to handle it?
If your son is growing up, the new book by sexologist and psychotherapist Alexander Poleev will dispel many parental doubts. How to react if your teenager started dating a girl? What is really hidden behind this hobby? Can a teenager's feeling be called love? And what to do if you don’t like the chosen one of your son or if you think that it’s not time for love now - do you need to prepare for the USE?
Teenagers' love - is that really love?
The main argument of the parents, restricting, or even completely prohibiting (trying to forbid!) The son of meeting the girl, is that a boy of 15-17 years old is simply not capable of any deep and lasting feeling, and there will be nothing to worry if he refuses relations with a girl for the sake of study. Yes, and many psychologists believe the adolescent’s love feeling is temporary, frivolous and deceiving.
Modern science knows about love, about this most important feeling in a person’s life, but rather, about a state, by far not everyone, but knows quite a lot. At the heart of a love feeling are two simple settings:
- The idealization of the object of love, that is, ascribing to it many positive qualities.
- The idea of the uniqueness of this object for you, in simpler terms, is the thought that only with this woman can you live happily together - and with no other.
The complex of love feelings includes the desire, first of all, to give the object of love, and not to take from him, the desire to take care of a loved one, that is, an active interest in his well-being and development a responsibility for him, respect for him, that is, the acceptance and positive assessment of his personality, character, views as they currently exist. In the love feeling of ten and eleventh graders, all these components are already present. Yes, they are colored by psychological characteristics of the nature of adolescents but they are present!
An important part of a state called love is desire to be in the society of the object of passion as soon as possible and to be in this society for as long as possible. When lovers are nearby, even just walking in the park, not even holding hands, they are in a special euphoric state, in which the emotional uplift, excitement, good mood and a sense of security are fantastically combined.
Love - or Romeo and Juliet syndrome?
The transformation of the first love feeling into Romeo and Juliet syndrome, from severe to soft, according to experts, is found in one in four teenagers. Especially often it is observed in boys from single-parent families, in those who are raised by only one mother.
The main and almost the only reason for the occurrence of this syndrome is the parents' resistance to communication with the girl or even just criticism of her personality and behavior - without any practical restrictions. Parents need to constantly remember that when the first feeling appears, their son quickly and automatically becomes especially vulnerable, fragile - even if before this love he was completely mentally stable and seemed courageous to you.
The appearance of vulnerability and the reduction of masculinity among teenagers and young people in a situation of love feelings was described by old Shakespeare. These phenomena exist for only five to seven months, but during this time, God knows what will happen to a teenager. Psychoanalysts explain this change in the psyche of a 16–18-year-old teenager with the process of identification with a girl, the emergence of romantic feelings and special euphoric states when meeting her. But teenage psychotherapists believe that we simply do not know the causes and mechanisms of this phenomenon in the character of boys.
He may have taken your criticisms of his friends relatively calmly, although he certainly did not agree with them. But in a completely different way he takes criticisms of the object of love or even affection.
Far from always the teenager's passion for a girl is a big and bright love. Often, boys have relationships with the opposite sex for the sake of self-affirmationincreasing self-esteem. A huge role in his self-esteem is played by the opinion of friends, peers, others.Do not forget that for an older teenager (unlike mature men!) It is incredibly important that peers envy and admire him (the latter is the ultimate dream!). Such an object of admiration may be the presence of a pretty girlfriend, and a girl a charming young man.
Sometimes a teenager starts a relationship just because he wants to seem more older. For some teenagers, adulthood is the acquisition of higher education, the beginning of independent work, the availability of their own earnings. For others, having a regular girlfriend. For the third, unfortunately, adulthood is associated with the use of alcohol.
Rules for parents of teenagers in love
But parental prohibitions, restrictions, and even just criticism can turn into a “Romeo and Juliet syndrome” even a feeling that was not originally love. No matter the motives that guide your son in his love feeling, try to calm down your parental fervor and observe certain rules in dealing with him. Otherwise, the teenage crisis will get out of control, “bear” the son, and it will be so hard to stop him.
Rule One: Be sure to meet your son's chosen one. You should not make hasty conclusions without talking to her, without knowing her better. Perhaps it is not so bad or unworthy as you think. Just do not give her uniform interrogation instead of pleasant communication, you do not need to humiliate her or her son.
Rule Two: son’s love relationships, of course, involve confidential conversations with him about love and intimate relationships. Do not turn confidential conversation into moralizing. With reproaches and notations, you will only lower his self-esteem, and then he will try to assert himself at the expense of others.
Rule Three: let your son make a mistake. Yes, first love can bring him painful and painful experiences. But believe me: you cannot protect him from all ills in advance. So is it not better to give him the opportunity to acquire his own experience, including the experience of coping with mental trauma, the experience of overcoming difficulties and failures?
Rule Four: do not try to quarrel a son with his girlfriend, you may not approve of the choice of a son, but you will have to respect this choice. And the most important thing: if you, parents, get involved in the relationship of lovers, you will surely find yourself and remain guilty in his representation of all his failures, including those completely unrelated to your intervention. Even many years later, your son can remind you how you interfered in his love relationship, how you tried to destroy them.
Rule Five: try to tactfully explain to your son - it is better in the days of his conflict with your beloved that first love does not necessarily happen for a lifetime, that the object of his adoration is not the only representative of the fair sex on planet Earth. Let him realize that his life path is still very long, and ahead of him there will be many more interesting meetings with a variety of girls.
He cannot hear this thought, this statement from anyone but his parents — well, not his peers will express such an opinion. To tactfully convey this thought to your son is your parental responsibility.
Of course, in a period of good relations with a girl and even in periods of small conflicts, the son only snorts, he, as a rule, does not even think that someone can compare with his Masha. He does not admit that he can fall in love with someone else. (For an adult man, such thoughts are natural even in a situation of his greatest passion for women.) But “snorting” does not mean at all that the son did not hear you, he does not agree with this statement, but he remembered him. And when he seriously quarrels with his first love, he will remember your words. He will remember with great benefit for himself.